Fate.


Emma clutched Jason hard to her chest and rocked to and fro. The fact that Jason preferred keeping it all to himself devastated her. She knew he was too small, too fragile to cope with it alone. Never had she imagined, that the fate of hundreds of children she fought for was written for her son as well.

Did he experience the same filthy feeling that the other kids felt? She didn’t know because Jason wouldn’t say a word. But she was adamant to help him. She wiped her tears, she knew what she had to do.

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This post is in response to Write on Edge’s Red Writing Hood: Active Voice prompt.

©2012. Habiba Danyal

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25 thoughts on “Fate.

  1. Fate – one word that gives me real bad scare. True that sometimes you can fight it but other times it make you surrender no matter what.

  2. Yikes. Your 100 words packs a lot of punch!! I am drawn in by the mystery – what happened and how can she help – while being touched by Emma’s grief. Well done…

    Quick note: “the fate of hundreds of children she fought for was written for her son as well.”

    In terms of concrit, I believe “fate…was written” would qualify as passive. Getting a verb to actively compliment “fate” is a tough one though. “Emma wrote the fate” isn’t what you are trying to say. I think one of the challenges of using the active tense is when you have to fundamentally re-think a sentence and what you are trying to say with it. “Her son now shared the same fate of the hundred of children Emma fought for every day…” or something.

    Overall – a great piece!

    🙂

  3. Oh, wow–this one packs a punch. Well done. You told us what she does for a living (or at least as a calling), what happened to him, and their relationships in this very short excerpt. Very well done!

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