5 Ways To Kill A Man- With apologies to Edwin Brock.

There are many cumbersome ways to kill a man.

You can make him watch cartoon,

be it dragon-ball z or samurai jack.

To do this properly you require a bunch of kids, irksome,

some gooey candies, a sofa with broken springs

and parents who’ve left for a ball.


Or you can take a movie,

starring Jim Carrey, be it any genre

and make him watch it five days in a row.

But for this you need a belt,

a 300 watts bulb, a hard chair,

ice-cold water and some tooth picks

to keep his lids from drooping.


Dispensing with music lovers, you may,

make him hear Justin Bieber, but for this

you need ear plugs for yourself, an amplifier,

not to mention, a room with no mirrors

and a sound system to blow his brains out.

The Biebs will do the rest.


In an age of Harry Potter, you may lock him

in a room with the twilight series. All you then

require is wait, for the sparkly vampire

to suck his blood, or fall in love with him.

Or let the description of Edward’s beauty

drive him into a state of complex,

so much so that he kills himself.


These are, as I began, cumbersome ways to kill a man.

Simpler, direct, and much more neat is to see

that he is studying in a medical college,

the books will weigh him down.

©2012. Habiba Danyal

You can find the original poem here.


29 thoughts on “5 Ways To Kill A Man- With apologies to Edwin Brock.

  1. The books will literally weigh him down. Ever tried to lift KLM and Guyton together? or Basic and Katzung? 😛

  2. Hahaha. Justin bebeir one is really killing with torture =P. as far as medicine is concerned, it kills girls too =\

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