For Write On Edge’s Red Writing Hood Propmt: Forbidden or Taboo and Trifecta’s Week 35 challenge. This post is in sequel to Fate.
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Jason let his mother cradle him while he toyed with her hair. It was so comforting. He was gratified with the way she held him, for now; the bad feeling could wait. He wondered why she was crying though. Was God punishing her for being bad? Had He chosen Mr. McKenzie for punishing her as well?
He wished she would stop crying. He didn’t like the damp feeling. But he dare not say it. It was easier being quiet about everything these days. When you stay quiet, it gets over quickly! That was Rule no.3. Things would not have gone wrong if it were not for him being a noisy, troublesome kid. Daddy wouldn’t have left them. They wouldn’t have come to the new town, the new school and God wouldn’t have sent Mr. McKenzie to punish him.
His mother ran a hand over his hair to smoothen them and planted a kiss on his forehead. He closed his eyes, only to open them back, with a start. It didn’t hurt; in fact he liked the way her lips felt, soft and warm. It wasn’t like closing his eyes for Mr. McKenzie. That was Rule no.2. Close your eyes, Jason!
“Jason! Sweetheart? Won’t you tell Mommy what has been hurting you? Who is it? Look at me, love! Is it someone Mommy knows?”
Jason acted as if he couldn’t hear. He didn’t like that question and Mommy had been asking a lot of it, lately. He traced his finger along her collar-bone as if he were driving a car on a bridge.
“Jason!” Emma shook him to gain his attention. Jason’s hand slipped down her clavicle. Wham! The car had crashed. Daddy’s car! Daddy was there. Right there! He needed help!
Emma shook Jason harder this time and screamed at him.
“Why don’t you tell me who it was, damn it! Don’t you see that Mommy is trying to help! Tell me who it was, Jason!”
Emma continued to shake him roughly and repeated the question again and again. Until her scream transformed into plead and finally died as a whimper.
Jason didn’t like it. The sound reminded him of the first time. He jumped up, ran out of Emma’s grasp and hid beneath the table. The sound that had escaped from his mouth, when God had sent Mr. McKenzie to punish him for the first time. In the school’s store-room. Mr. McKenzie told him that it was the only way Daddy could come back. If Jason promised him to stick by the Rules, God would forgive him for being a bad boy. He had learnt Rule no.1 that day. It is forbidden to talk about God’s punishment!
©2012.Habiba Danyal
My Word Your ear.com 
sends shivers. wonderfully written!
thank you asma!
VERY well written and poignant if not graphic, but necessary.
Couldnt make it more graphical, ppl seemed horrified by this only.:-P
you COULD…there is no need…and its a horrifying subject.
Thanks for linking up with Trifecta’s long challenge. I think this is a powerful piece, particularly because you tackled it from the child victim’s point of view. Watching the mother break as she tries to understand what her child has been through was quite moving. I also liked the description of her bone like driving a car on a bridge. Nice work.
I was hoping someone would notice the clavicle-part, and lo! the right person did. 🙂
This is so painful habiba dear.
😦
you have potrayed the heart-wrenching feelings in a v.profound manner. The mother’s agony and helplessness and the child’s innocence can be felt to the core. Very well-written!
Thank you Suraiya! 🙂
Wow. Your writing is so powerful! Have you taken any writing classes?
Gee. I am flattered. No, I haven’t. 😛
Sexual abuse is horrible, and the justifications that adults give to little kids are just as bad as the crime itself. You’re portrayed this character very well, and I love the way his Mom is breaking. She’s sympathetic. She feels awful. Yet she’s shaking the kid, showing the depth of her own frustration and fear.
thank you Jester queen, you more or less summed up all emotions I wanted to portray.
Such a hard read, I can’t imagine writing it. The narrative just spirals away into horror.
Despite that, thanks for reading.
This is disturbing, but amazingly told. Being a mom of two boys, I could relate to her desperation and her tears.
Thankyou Janna! 🙂
Yikes. The perspective of the child is very good.
Thank you Lucy!
How terrible. His “rules” are effective and really, really sad.
Thanks Annabelle.
This story is so real. I have chills. Very well done.
That was so hard to read! there was a sense of foreboding from the very start of the story!
I liked the tense feeling the story managed to convey!
Thanks there Tayyaba. 🙂
Wow! Powerful writing! What a sad scene–frightening!
thank you Jennifer!
Congratulations! I have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award.
The rules are at
You really deserve it!
Thank you so much.:-)
Well written: I liked the rules; especially working backwards from Rule Number 3.
Thanks kelly! The rules were something I added as an after thought but most ppl seem to like them.
Definitely heart breaking.
thanks for stopping by.
Wow. It was kind of sad and disturbing. You succeeded in stirring all the emotions through your words so brilliantly. Well done 🙂
.
mema says I made her heart turn. Do you think ANYONE can do that? Shocking…
You write very graphically on a social issue…
thank you dear frand. 🙂
This was a hard one to read. You did it very well. I hope there is justice coming.
Thanks Renee.
Wow. What a powerful piece. I think your POV with the kid as the victim is incredibly accurate. Great job. I do think there’s a typo in this first sentence “Jason let her mother cradle him “. Shouldn’t it be HIS mother rather than HER mother or am I misreading something?
I just came across it myself, yes there was. Thanks for reading Wisper. 🙂
This is incredibly sad but so well done.
Thank you!
Yeesh! Wow. His perspective on being touched by his mother was heartbreaking, and then her decent into violence both verbal and physical was stomach clenching. Tough scene to write.
thank you jennifer.
Oh, my God. What a chilling story. I write a lot about child abuse, being an incest survivor, and “the sound that escaped his mouth” was a crucial image for me. This is amazing writing, and I would not have found you had I not been posting at that special Trifecta challenge. Brava! Amy Barlow Liberatore http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/07/13/housewife-envy-trifecta-sun-whirl/
Trifecta sure is a great experience. Thank you so much for the appreciation!
Oh wow! So dark and bitterly naive. Well done!
Thank you.
Wow. You made my heart turn!
I doubt. 😛
So disturbing! Only critique I’d give is that you switch from Mommy to Emma as the person who is holding/touching him. I was confused if there were two people or flashbacks.
And I agree, I like how you wove the rules through the story.
Another blogger felt that way, only problem was that I had to stick with the 450 word limit and this post is exactly 450! Was kind of tough.I’ll try making the transitions a little smooth next time.
🙂
ugh that was hard to read. 😦 i feel so badly for Jason. 😦
i got a little confused when you started calling his mom Emma…
This is actually a sequel to another post, where both Jason and Emma’s names are mentioned. Thank you for reading Christina!
Oh my goodness…this broke my heart. Very well written…very well.
Thank you so much for reading!
Love the way in which you developed the implications with the ‘rules’.
Take a bow!
*Curtseys.
Thank you Nabadip!