5 Ways To Kill A Man- With apologies to Edwin Brock.


There are many cumbersome ways to kill a man.

You can make him watch cartoon,

be it dragon-ball z or samurai jack.

To do this properly you require a bunch of kids, irksome,

some gooey candies, a sofa with broken springs

and parents who’ve left for a ball.

−Φ−

Or you can take a movie,

starring Jim Carrey, be it any genre

and make him watch it five days in a row.

But for this you need a belt,

a 300 watts bulb, a hard chair,

ice-cold water and some tooth picks

to keep his lids from drooping.

−Φ−

Dispensing with music lovers, you may,

make him hear Justin Bieber, but for this

you need ear plugs for yourself, an amplifier,

not to mention, a room with no mirrors

and a sound system to blow his brains out.

The Biebs will do the rest.

−Φ−

In an age of Harry Potter, you may lock him

in a room with the twilight series. All you then

require is wait, for the sparkly vampire

to suck his blood, or fall in love with him.

Or let the description of Edward’s beauty

drive him into a state of complex,

so much so that he kills himself.

−Φ−

These are, as I began, cumbersome ways to kill a man.

Simpler, direct, and much more neat is to see

that he is studying in a medical college,

the books will weigh him down.

©2012. Habiba Danyal

You can find the original poem here.

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7 HP Spells That I Wish Actually Worked!


J.K. Rowling is up to it again!!! Writing a book I mean. 🙂 But this time it happens to be a book for adults – that means us. We, who have grown with the HP series and we, who stuck with Harry till the very end! Yaaay us! The HP generation.

Now that I am done with breaking news – the topic at hand. I was lying down being my usual lazy self, when I felt thirsty and I just couldn’t wouldn’t get up and drink water. At that moment I wished “only if the Summoning Charm would work!” So that’s how I worked up this blog. And since it was thanks to the Summoning Charm that I thought of this topic so it just had to be on the list!

Starting with no.7 [ don’t know why but it seems to be the fashion here at word press these days to list things in the descending order]:

7. Summoning Charm – Accio : summons objects

For a lazy bummer like me, the news of this spell being functional would be like vacations announced early! The number of things we can summon without moving our butts! At the same time it can give birth to accidents I suppose – at least in my room! Something or the other will always be in the air and if they happen to be my books… Uh oh! They do have the potential to knock people senseless!!!! Nevertheless, who cares as long as I don’t have to move. 😉

6. Alohomora: unlocks objects

Now this is one useful spell! Since childhood I have had a thing against locked objects – locked cupboards, locked doors, locked diaries! I remember once trying to open my elder cousin’s diary with a safety-pin – it got stuck in there! Don’t ask me what happened later on…..curiosity killed the cat! Although I had practised the trick on a door several times but I guess there is a difference between picking locks with a bobby pin and a safety-pin! With this spell being functional…. bingo!

5. Tarantallegra : forces opponent to dance

Oh yeah! There are quite a few people I would love to see dance. Not for self-entertainment purposes but for self-contentment purposes! People like those in the administration department of my university and other such stupid government offices who make our lives miserable by constantly keeping us on the go!

4. Rictusempra : to make the victim laugh uncontrollably as if being tickled

This is THE spell for whiners! People who whine about just anything and everything! And the worst part is that you gotta listen to them because 9/10 times they happen to be your own friends!! Huh…it may give them a life and since laughing exercises are  so much in fashion these days – they can laugh their so-called problems off! And when they will hear themselves blabbering in that laughing mode – their woes that sound stupid only to you otherwise, may sound stupid to them as well, which may deplete the store of their whine-ries!  😉

3. Legilimens : delves into the mind of the opponent

For two-faced gossip mongers who call themselves your friends! People who flit from here to there chirping away bits of gossip and spreading rumours. People who can give you diabetes with their sugar-coated sweetness and cuteness. People who will if need be, use your shoulder as a rung to climb up the ladder of success! Legilimency will certainly be a punishment for such people – for they would know that you are scanning their lies, sifting through their emotions and weighing their intentions! Who knows, you may get lucky if their guilt kills them – keep them fingers crossed!

2. Levicorpus : dangles your opponent upside down in the air

Aha! The Jackpot spell if it works. For anyone and anything that annoys me. And since it’s a non-verbal spell – nobody would know that I cast it! The no. of people I can think of at the moment and that stupid cat Zulaikha who roams about in my university and is no less than Mrs.Norris! Irksome to its core it is. I wonder who named her though! Any way, moving on to no.1…

1. The Body Binding Curse – Petrificus totalus :  renders the victim completely immobile

The perfect spell to put on all those nerds of your class! All the ‘know-it-alls’, the ‘sir! I have a question at the last-minute of the lecture’ geeks, the ‘sir! can you please explain it for the 40th time as I am too thick-headed’ dorks and the ‘I have finished all the course, started revision and now I am gonna haunt your dreams’ idiots! Freaks! Weirdos!

Sigh….. If only these spells would work – life would be sooo much easier!

©2012 Habiba Danyal.

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